u can't go home

now that i'm in regina, what i don't miss about over there is the debilitating humidity. what i have missed about here is the mesmorizing sky. everyone has heard about the spectacular horizons that only the prairies can offer -- it's all beautiful, all true, and awesome.

i feel weirder being home than any previous visit. i finally feel like i'm not from here anymore. regina and the prairies will always make up a huge part of my identity. but perhaps i have crossed the threshold from local to tourist status. the city has changed rapidly, though my feelings about it haven't. yes, i am from regina, but regina is no longer me. i don't seem to fit in here, and that's a strange realization.

for the very short list (ie: 4) of friends i have chosen to see, it feels as though no time has passed. these are enduring friendships that seem to be able to withstand distance and time. given my current lack of capacity for small talk, it has been a relief to find deeper connections readily available. so my time with a few special friends has been therapeutic. so has the four day absence from the internet until today. no blow ups with the parental units, thanks to my resilience and due in no small part to my tendency to speed off in one of the lexxus and drive around aimlessly instead of, heaven forbid, Engaging. one such midnight flee led me to the company of an old flame whose restaurant provided the perfect escape from familial angst. after he locked the doors, it was vodka martinis - straight up, kitchen scraps, and bottomless baileys. we discussed really important things and i felt like a new person in an old life.

steve comes in tomorrow and i'll give him the VIP tour of where i've been that has made me who i am. for him, it will be mildly amusing to see where i played and studied and rebelled. for me, it will be necessary. like the final tour i took around my house on moving day three weeks ago, peering into every dark corner to ensure everything intended to progress with me is accounted for; saying goodbye to what's best left behind.