i know not

i know why i was invited at the last minute to attend the national symposium and agm of this organization. it was supposed to be as sort of an on-site support staff - which really amounted to gopher and minute-taker. fine by me, can't refuse anything that pays at this point, dignity be damned. but i think it was really to put me smack dab in the middle of some stimulating conversation with some inspiring women to make me think again about myself and my role within all that.

i know why being at that meeting was emotional for me. the room was chock full of incredible women from all over the country, many of whom i didn't know, but a handful of whom are of profound importance to me. these are women i hardly see, some i never thought i'd see again, what with canada's mind-blowing vast geography and also on account of my limited engagement with the women's movement as of late. i actually thanked some of them, women who at one point or another have had a significant impact on who i am, as a feminist, as an activist, as a woman. i knew not that my time regina would be that. but it felt right and so i did it. i'm thinking maybe i'm about to die or something, because talking to women like that almost felt like some sorta step on my own version of those famous 12. no amends, per se, but an expression of gratitude... in a way i suspect too few young feminists do... to the wise women who have walked before and left some kind of personal imprint on my heart.

i know why i love home. it was sure nice to see my beloved big sky, breathe prairie air, cuss at all the pick-up drivers hogging the urban streets. it's a whole 'nother scene over there, replete with cowboy hats, chewing tabacco, slower-moving time, dust, bad fonts. i especially enjoyed the unforgettable attitude of a crusty hotel worker who, when asked for the third time to put our welcome message on the hotel promo board, shrugged his shoulders all irritated-like and said "i don't have any french letters". i really really love where i'm from.

i know not why i am not in bed after such a whirlwind and rather sleepless week.

i know not why i am this disappointed that marty did not get chosen to be lead singer of inxs. i know not why mark burnett needed to give martha an apprentice show or why i can't stop listening to my new copy of beauty and the beat, especially lust to love. i know not why julie chen gets on my nerves so bad but jeff probst doesn't.