what's goin on: pt III

o canada indeed. my july 1st started with a lazy brunch with friends. then off to a pool party at mika's house, a new friend who happens to run this neat store. several cocktails and rain showers later, we engaged in dialogue heard among most ncr dwellers ... the one where we poo-poo canada day and get all blassé about what's happening on the Hill, then eventually agreeing to wander downtown to merely check things out. so we watched the fireworks from the market and ducked into the patio party at the lookout before the line-up got outta hand. three hours of dancing on muddy and stinky gravel was actually much more fun than it sounds. the weather was good, as were the beats, and dare i say it, i really enjoyed myself. soon i found myself wandering the streets with a dozen drunks à la grade 11 looking for a party that never happened. then i spent three hours in a hull kitchen watching four gay men dance and carry on, all the while pondering the question is this really my life? headed home at around 7 am to get in some felicity time before the live 8 / napping session.

i watched all four seasons of felicity in under one week (i do not wish to encounter mock regarding this), all the while ignoring the desperate grocery crisis in my home. reminds me of last fall when i was between contracts and half in the bell jar, when i cocooned with all six seasons of sex and the city. i tell you, when i aim for pseudo shut-in status, i do it up right. let it never be said that i lack commitment to a project, particularly ones involving neglect of responsibility and personal care, escapes to story lines that make me laugh and/or make me remember, and shades of agorophobia.

in other news, our gig on sunday night for the canada day events did not go too badly. it was cool to sing in a bandshell pressed right up against the brilliant setting sun. though the crowd was a bit tranquil, there has been some positive feedback, particularly about the vocals. the band now enters a bit of down time. appropriate, really, considering i should probably set that wee distraction aside in order to get down to far less groovy matters.

so maybe this little honeymoon-o-mine is coming to a close. it's been just over a month since i've worked full time. i fucking love not working. if there was any way on earth to never have to work again, i'd be one happy gal. but as it is, there are bills and mortgages and obscure parts of pool machinery and such. and so while it's been pretty wonderful in this bubble, i guess it's time to emerge.

pretty soon, i'll start a writing contract with
this org, and may just have the ovaries enough to pursue other ways to write full time. i think that's what i want. or maybe i want to be a chef. or a trucker. or a singer. obviously not anything that isn't lofty or unreliable. fuck me.

today, i saw my lover from 20 years ago perform on this tv show. then i watched my long-term boyfriend's shitty shitty movie on muchmoremusic. i'm stunned to report that the fire still burns HOT for both. figures... my heart usually swells backwards. as ever, i have a hard time facing forward.


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