hey hey ho ho, this slave-to-wage shit's got to go

not to brag or anything - cuz its actually more sick than dazzling - but i pretty much stayed stuck to my my desk for the past 13 hours. my back hurts, i'm parched, and let's just say i'm a tad cantankerous (although deeply in solitude, so - like 'if a tree falls in the forest' - am i actually crabby if no one is around to suffer it?)...

and thus concludes my first week doing media relations at cupe national. the circumstances surrounding this latest contract appointment are pretty shady, but i'm trying to make the best of it, at least for now. oh, progressive organizations that just can't quite seem to make internal operations and external rhetoric JIVE. if i had a nickel! so as i figure out reconciling my principles with my debt load, there is straightforward enough work for me to do at cupe -- me and mediatic shenanigans get along just fine. i likely won't acquire new skills, but will at least be able to stretch and show off existing ones while getting to think and walk amidst some bright, cool people. others might see this sort of hire as a step towards a possible full-time, permanent, benefits-n-pension riddled gig, but i'm just glad to do good work for even a short time.

the thing about working out there in the real world is that in addition to having to be 'there', one has to BE there. the beauty of freelancing mostly from home is that shit gets done regardless of whether or not i'm peppy or pissy. to some extent, every single person who works outside the home has to leave a fair chunk of their true disposition AT home. separating myself from all that genuineness doesn't suit me well. at all. nor does what one has to dig up to meet acceptable social norms out there. it has been difficult extracating myself from the glorious home office this week, trading in my rituals and unapologetic scheduling and blaring music (or spectacular silences, mood depending) for a commute and regular human contact and a communal kitchen. the only part of my contract i couldn't do exceedingly well from home is the obligatory face-to-face time given (often wasted) in those dreaded meetings upon meetings, hallway small talk, and awkward elevator rides.

did i mention the office is Way Over There? cupe recently plucked itself out of its fabulous centretown location in favour of an obscure location a mere two industrial blocks from the glamorous st-laurent mall. sorry, cupe staffers. no more 20-steps-from-the-backdoor bridgehead coffees. as thanks for sacrificing that delicious urban vibe, cupe has constructed for its prized employees a state-of-the-art building that apparently meets the most exacting contemporary eco-friendly standards. as a bonus, cupe has put big swank coffee machines on each floor that bestow FREE coffees, espressos, cappuccinos, and mocha frapuccinos. there's also a gym. jesus. but do these offerings really trump my bodum and daily walk about wrightville? i haven't decided, but am thinking no.

anyhoo, so that's the state of work affairs. i'm helping cupe get more in the news while trying to wind down my clc project and negotiate other wee ones. meantime, stuff at the personal level simmers on. i’ve been thinking lately about damage -- how what we incur winds up affecting what we inflict [more on that later]. and while i OF COURSE don't have any freaking answers, i'm starting to get clearer about how my damage co-habitates with me today, what form it takes, how it - no matter how contained i wish it to be - still stains people in my midst.