cough to death

what if i cough for the entire rest of my life?
what if i hack my way into record books and medical journals and ripley's museums and gatherings of scientifically inclined folks?
what if it becomes my cough and not a tenuous psycho/emotional state that causes me to completely retreat from society, to finally achieve the shut-in status i've long been courting?
what if over-the-counter remedies actually worked?
what if i cough my head right the fuck off its swollen neck?
what if my eternal cough renders me the ultimate of the undatables, such that my only chance at love would be to settle down with the only other freak in the side show, some guy who can't stop hiccupping or belching or yawning or some such shit.