o, just never mind

well, the ndp seems to be going another way. it doesn't look like i'm going to montreal after all. the Party i've been push-n-pullin' with all week, in it's wisdom, is looking to bring in someone from outside quebec to direct our election campaign. i've said all along that an ideal scenario would be a more experienced 'outsider' to fill the role, but when there was no apparent choice, we all started to get kinda comfortable with the idea of pulling from within our ranks. at the end of the day, i do want what's best for the campaign, but honestly, i resent having spent the week musing about my ambivalence towards professional matters and re-visiting questions about loyalty. what a colossal suckage of time and energy.

best thing to come out of this weird week is a resounding re-affirmation of why i vacillate so much about the party: it IS a Bad Boy who jerks you around, treats you like shit, then sidles up to you when it's most convenient and whispers, hey baby, you're the only one for me, and you know you want some of this.

i really do have trust issues ... they extend well beyond men, and obviously, for damn good reason.