good mourning

everyone's probably read and heard more morning-after analysis than i have. i rose at noon and have been moving pretty slow. so far: toast, fried egg (thanks adam), two oranges, two cups of instant coffee, one cigarette.

we stayed at the democratic party party at monona terrace until around 2am. claude was right: there's nothing sadder than a bunch of drunk people who've just lost an election. near the end of the night, there were barely 75 people left in the room gathered near the big screen that had been broadcasting cnn election coverage. we were feeling what i can only describe as a melange of anger, deflation, pain, and stunnment. the ohio numbers were still up in the air, as were crucial others. major networks had called it for bush. all but cnn, ironic considering its role in the 2000 debacle.

i wasn't that drunk, really, but between the fatigue and disbelief, things were tipsy. confession: i felt rather disconnected. what a feeling to be in a room full of folks who are deeply invested in all of this, yet feeling some kind of forcefield between me and them. not that i felt shielded in any way, just kinda behind the glass. the emotions that raced through me were of course very real. very real. but i couldn't shake this feeling of profound relief, for myself and for where i'm from.

an entirely misguided way to feel, surely, considering that the election results will register high on the richter scale for all of us, everywhere, for another four years. that's a long fucking time.

spending a couple of weeks here, i'm more accutely aware of the moral uneasiness - on both sides - that rests like a thick layer of fog on the country. and it's incredibly difficult to read it's nature or impact. the decreasing (or was it ever really there) separation of faith and politics is frightening. we can't deny the increasing divide between the christian right and the more moderates here. that cleavage is becoming more and more dangerous. it's leading to an erosion of civil rights/human rights and an embracing of a neo-con approach to the economy and foreign affairs.

the bush family history reads like a piece of fiction; their agenda has been long at play. which one? this one? this one? this? insiders are probably right now sipping from heavy silver goblets and slapping each other's backs at how well the plan is going.

and today, john kerry said things like "don't lose faith - what you did made a difference, and building on itself we go on to make a difference another day. i promise you, that time will come when your work and your ballots will change the world. and it's worth fighting for."

then he said he wanted to "leave this campaign with a prayer ... god bless america."

god bless it, indeed.