floating forward

exactly one week home and i'm still in the fucking bubble. fittingly, today is remembrance day. maybe that's why the bubble hasn't popped yet - a protective membrane for my limbo. but a shield from what?

it’s been hard to get back to my reality, to get motivated, to transition. slightly sequestered in the house, i have only seen a couple of friends. i want to socialize, but i really don't want to. i want to weave my stories of the trenches into the ongoing post-election debriefs, to share this perspective, to harvest nuggets from other active minds.

the clouding of the bubble is weird. i feel like i want to attribute the malaise to something specific. i want to put it somewhere. but it doesn't hang neatly on any single hook. it's not about madison or a presidential election result or fatigue.

it's nervousness about cj's promotion to chief of staff. eeps.

ok, no. it's about me and my re-entry. the jarring re-entry might have something to do with how much of an escape the time away was. and i didn't know it while in it. but i sure feel it now. i was only down there for a short time but it has impacted me in the way years can. now that i'm back, i realize how much uncertainty i carry about my current and next steps.

for now, i busy myself with details of the day. gotta ride out the bubble. meantime, i've dusted off this book which i'd started a couple of years ago.