project, interrupted

i bought cigarettes tonight. i had one a week ago, had one on friday, had one this afternoon. and now i have a full hot contraband pack in my possession. it's like this: i'm in the thick of a major work thing. tension was served up alongside the to-do lists and i developed quite a hankering for a cigarette. oh well. no self-loathing tonight, no siree. i'm pooped. tomorrow is the big day for the work thing. we'll launch the report, dance through the circus, take a few days to come down, call it done. i'll dangle a smoke from my mouth every so often to con myself into calm and that's that. the way i see it, i haven't fallen off the wagon so much as allowed a limb to flop way over the edge. that limb now hangs precariously close to the moving ground. but i'll reel it in soon enough. yup, nothing to it.


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