alter egos

am i really a musician who delivers high energy and smiley performances, who comes across as genuinely propelled by the catchy beats, compelled by the crowd ... or do i just play one on stage?

am i actually an activist who believes another world is possible and that society, earth, the future, will all be better ... or do i just play one in the trenches?

hey, what if i'm not even a bona fide human being ... maybe i just play one on the outside.

more so in the past was i able to convey an altogether sparklier version of self, one that wasn't necessarily fraudulent, but not entirely true. i think that's the case with most people. we do our best to just get through a day, and to do so, we often have to embellish. our public persona seldom matches our private one, nor should it. and our cocktail party persona needn't coincide with our board room persona, gym persona, beach persona, bar persona, yada yada whaddeva. but at least we can hope for some relationship between all of them.

me, i'm feeling little connection to those alter egos. perhaps that's why i reside beneath all these layers, because i really don't know which me is more viable. and whenever i might spend some time trying to figure it out, i can do so inconspicuously, unnoticed.

so here i blur through this incredibly strange week of politics-o-rama and incongruous work demands, slightly numb, hands clutching tightly to the lips of that proverbial bell jar so as not to slip right the fuck in. all the while hyper aware of the disconnected me's. they fascinate, as much as spook and confound me.

but i digress. here: i posted some pics of the band taken on saturday night at the rainbow bistro. i'm the one with the big hair, looking all upbeat and for real.


Blogger accidental altruist said...

I just HAD to post our horoscope. I think you'll like it:

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Every person you know has a different idea about who you are, and none of those notions is exactly the same as the image you have of yourself. In other words, there are hundreds of unauthorized versions of you in addition to the one you believe in. Usually you don't have much power to control this, but that could change in 2006. More than at any other previous time, you'll have a knack for bringing public opinion into alignment with your own picture of yourself. Your reputation may even come to closely resemble the person you really are.

9:46 a.m.  
Blogger pamused said...


Too fucking weird.
I really dig it.

10:44 a.m.  

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